SUMMARY: THE RESEARCH PERSPECTIVE ON
IMPROVING SCHOOL AND CLASSROOM DISCIPLINE
School personnel seeking to improve the quality of discipline in their schools and classrooms are encouraged to follow the guidelines implicit in the discipline research. These include:
AT THE SCHOOL LEVEL:
1. Engage school- and community-wide commitment to establishing and maintaining appropriate student behavior in school and at school-sponsored events.
2. Establish and communicate high expectations for student behavior.
3. With input from students, develop clear behavioral rules and procedures and make these known to all stakeholders in the school, including parents and community.
4. Work on getting to know students as individuals; take an interest in their plans and activities.
5. Work to improve communication with and involvement of parents and community members in instruction, extracurricular activities, and governance.
6. If commercial, packaged discipline programs are used, modify their components to meet your unique school situation and delete those components which are not congruent with research.
7. For the principal:
8. Increase your visibility and informal involvement in the everyday life of the school; increase personal interactions with students.
9. Encourage teachers to handle all classroom discipline problems that they reasonably can; support their decisions.
10. Enhance teachers' skills as classroom managers and disciplinarians by arranging for appropriate staff development activities.
AT THE CLASSROOM LEVEL:
8. Hold and communicate high behavioral expectations.
9. Establish clear rules and procedures and instruct students in how to follow them; give primary-level children and low-SES children, in particular, a great deal of instruction, practice, and reminding.
10. Make clear to students the consequences of misbehavior.
11. Enforce classroom rules promptly, consistently, and equitably from the very first day of school.
12. Work to instill a sense of self-discipline in students; devote time to teaching self-monitoring skills.
13. Maintain a brisk instructional pace and make smooth transitions between activities.
14. Monitor classroom activities and give students feedback and reinforcement regarding their behavior.
15. Create opportunities for students (particularly those with behavioral problems) to experience success in their learning and social behavior.
16. Identify those students who seem to lack a sense of personal efficacy and work to help them achieve an internal locus of control.
17. Make use of cooperative learning groups, as appropriate.
18. Make use of humor, when suitable, to stimulate student interest or reduce classroom tensions.
19. Remove distracting materials (athletic equipment, art materials, etc.) from view when instruction is in progress.
WHEN DISCIPLINE PROBLEMS ARISE:
20. Intervene quickly; do not allow behavior that violates school or classroom rules to go unchecked.
21. As appropriate, develop reinforcement schedules and use these with misbehaving students.
22. Instruct students with behavior problems in selfcontrol skills; teach them how to observe their own behavior, talk themselves through appropriate behavior patterns, and reinforce themselves for succeeding.
23. Teach misbehaving students general prosocial skills--self-awareness, cooperation, and helping.
24. Place misbehaving students in peer tutoring arrangements; have them serve either as tutors or tutees, as appropriate.
25. Make use of punishments which are reasonable for the infraction committed; provide support to help students improve their behavior.
26. Make use of counseling services for students with behavior problems; counseling should seek the cause of the misconduct and assist students in developing needed skills to behave appropriately.
27. Make use of in-school suspension programs, which include guidance, support, planning for change, and skill building.
28. Collaborate with misbehaving students on developing and signing contingency contracts to help stimulate behavioral change; follow through on terms of contracts.
29. Make use of home-based reinforcement to increase the effectiveness of school-based agreements and directives.
30. In schools which are troubled with severe discipline problems and negative climates, a broadbased organizational development approach may be needed to bring about meaningful change; community involvement and support is critical to the success of such efforts.
INEFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE PRACTICES:
31. Avoid the use of vague or unenforceable rules.
32. Do not ignore sudent behavior which violates school or classroom rules; it will not go away.
33. Avoid ambiguous or inconsistent treatment of misbehavior.
34. Avoid draconian punishments and punishments delivered without accompanying support.
35. Avoid corporal punishment.
36. Avoid out-of-school suspension whenever possible. Reserve the use of suspension for serious misconduct only.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Delegating principals
· Commitment, on the part of all staff, to establishing and maintaining appropriate student behavior as an essential precondition of learning. Well-disciplined schools tend to be those in which there is a schoolwide emphasis on the importance of learning and intolerance of conditions which inhibit learning.
· High behavioral expectations. In contrast to poorly disciplined schools, staff in well-disciplined schools share and communicate high expectations for appropriate student behavior.
· Clear and broad-based rules. Rules, sanctions, and procedures are developed with input from students, are clearly specified, and are made known to everyone in the school. Researchers have found that student participation in developing and reviewing school discipline programs creates a sense of ownership and belongingness. Widespread dissemination of clearly stated rules and procedures, moreover, assures that all students and staff understand what is and is not acceptable.
· Warm school climate. A warm social climate, characterized by a concern for students as individuals, is typical of well-disciplined schools. Teachers and administrators take an interest in the personal goals, achievements, and problems of students and support them in their academic and extracurricular activities.
· A visible, supportive principal. Many poorly disciplined schools have principals who are visible only for "official" duties such as assemblies or when enforcing school discipline. In contrast, principals of well-disciplined schools tend to be very visible in hallways and classrooms, talking informally with teachers and students, speaking to them by name, and expressing interest in their activities.
· Delegation of discipline authority to teachers. Principals in well-disciplined schools take responsibility for dealing with serious infractions, but they hold teachers responsible for handling routine classroom discipline problems. They assist teachers to improve their classroom management and discipline skills by arranging for staff development activities as needed. Close ties with communities. Researchers have generally found that well-disciplined schools are those which have a high level of communication and partnership with the communities they serve. These schools have a higher-than-average incidence of parent involvement in school functions, and communities are kept informed of school goals and activities.
· High behavioral expectations. In contrast to poorly disciplined schools, staff in well-disciplined schools share and communicate high expectations for appropriate student behavior.
· Clear and broad-based rules. Rules, sanctions, and procedures are developed with input from students, are clearly specified, and are made known to everyone in the school. Researchers have found that student participation in developing and reviewing school discipline programs creates a sense of ownership and belongingness. Widespread dissemination of clearly stated rules and procedures, moreover, assures that all students and staff understand what is and is not acceptable.
· Warm school climate. A warm social climate, characterized by a concern for students as individuals, is typical of well-disciplined schools. Teachers and administrators take an interest in the personal goals, achievements, and problems of students and support them in their academic and extracurricular activities.
· A visible, supportive principal. Many poorly disciplined schools have principals who are visible only for "official" duties such as assemblies or when enforcing school discipline. In contrast, principals of well-disciplined schools tend to be very visible in hallways and classrooms, talking informally with teachers and students, speaking to them by name, and expressing interest in their activities.
· Delegation of discipline authority to teachers. Principals in well-disciplined schools take responsibility for dealing with serious infractions, but they hold teachers responsible for handling routine classroom discipline problems. They assist teachers to improve their classroom management and discipline skills by arranging for staff development activities as needed. Close ties with communities. Researchers have generally found that well-disciplined schools are those which have a high level of communication and partnership with the communities they serve. These schools have a higher-than-average incidence of parent involvement in school functions, and communities are kept informed of school goals and activities.
Discipline Problems
Students who require correction from inappropriate behaviours respond better when they are given the opportunity to respond to your directions. It's easier to correct students if you follow five rules:
Stop talking as soon as you feel a stress level has been reached.
Don't expect a response immediately after you have corrected the student.
Give the student time to think when you aren't talking. Say, "Think about what you would like to say before responding."
Give the student a chance to respond by saying, "Can you think how you might have done it better?"
Finally, before you give advice, ask if it is wanted. Say, "Would you like me to give you some suggestions?" or "Can I help you by offering some suggestions?"
You may recognize students early who have the potential to disrupt the class. There are ways to avoid problems by addressing the situation early.
Speak to the student as early as possible outside the classroom situation.
One-to-one, ask the student "why" he/she behaved as he/she did. Explain why the behaviour cannot be tolerated in a classroom situation.
Suggest ways to help the student improve his/her conduct.
Make a special effort to talk to the student before every class about something. Get to know them on a different basis other than tutor-student.
Remember
It isn't the students you counsel and the students you discipline who will make your life difficult. It's the students you don't correct.
The longer you wait, the harder it will be to change the student's behaviour.
Students who require correction from inappropriate behaviours respond better when they are given the opportunity to respond to your directions. It's easier to correct students if you follow five rules:
Stop talking as soon as you feel a stress level has been reached.
Don't expect a response immediately after you have corrected the student.
Give the student time to think when you aren't talking. Say, "Think about what you would like to say before responding."
Give the student a chance to respond by saying, "Can you think how you might have done it better?"
Finally, before you give advice, ask if it is wanted. Say, "Would you like me to give you some suggestions?" or "Can I help you by offering some suggestions?"
You may recognize students early who have the potential to disrupt the class. There are ways to avoid problems by addressing the situation early.
Speak to the student as early as possible outside the classroom situation.
One-to-one, ask the student "why" he/she behaved as he/she did. Explain why the behaviour cannot be tolerated in a classroom situation.
Suggest ways to help the student improve his/her conduct.
Make a special effort to talk to the student before every class about something. Get to know them on a different basis other than tutor-student.
Remember
It isn't the students you counsel and the students you discipline who will make your life difficult. It's the students you don't correct.
The longer you wait, the harder it will be to change the student's behaviour.
Creating classroom discipline problems is easy. By following the ten simple rules listed you should be able to substantially improve your skill at this popular teacher pastime.
1. Expect the worst from kids. This will keep you on guard at all times.
2. Never tell students what is expected of them. Kids need to learn to figure things out for themselves.
3. Punish and criticize kids often. This better prepares them for real life.
4. Punish the whole class when one student misbehaves. All the other students were probably doing the same thing or at least thinking about doing it.
5. Never give students privileges. It makes students soft
1. Expect the worst from kids. This will keep you on guard at all times.
2. Never tell students what is expected of them. Kids need to learn to figure things out for themselves.
3. Punish and criticize kids often. This better prepares them for real life.
4. Punish the whole class when one student misbehaves. All the other students were probably doing the same thing or at least thinking about doing it.
5. Never give students privileges. It makes students soft
Here are some specific tips for the classroom, many of which can be used on the school bus,
the playground or any other place where school employees supervise students.
BE SURE TO: Greet students as they enter your classroom.
BECAUSE: This not only models the kind of courteous behavior you want to instill in your
students, but it also gives you an opportunity for "early targeting" of potential troublemakers.
You may pick up early warning signs of potential trouble, e.g., anger, illness, arguments, fights,
trouble on the way to school, inappropriate attire or paraphernalia, homework not done, etc.
Without early targeting or intervention, small problems can escalate to major disruption or
violence.
BE SURE TO: Make "Before-Class-Starts" activities available in the classroom to engage
students in positive and productive interactions. Such activities could include board games, a
five-minute "free conversation" period or simple calisthenics.
BECAUSE: The "dead time" before the bell can be "deadly" if students don’t have a way to
channel their energies.
BE SURE TO: Have a designated place within your view for students to turn in homework
assignments as they enter.
BECAUSE: The failure of students to turn in homework on time can be a major disruption to
the class. When asked why they have not completed their assignments, students will often
engage in denials and excuses, resulting in a waste of learning time. With a homework box, or
other designated place for students to turn in work, the teacher or paraprofessional can watch
the students as they enter to see who has completed their assignments and who has not.
BE SURE TO: Have a few (three to five) basic overarching rules in place to help govern student
behavior in the classroom or on the school bus.
BECAUSE: Overarching rules provide parameters within which each student can function in
the group and identify his or her own appropriate and inappropriate behaviors. This promotes
individual ownership of the rules and encourages responsibility. (Examples of four good
overarching rules--be prompt, be polite, be prepared, be productive. Examples of bad rules--
do not chew gum, do not talk). Recite the rules often at the beginning of the school year and
make sure to explain why these rules are necessary.
BE SURE THAT: Your students know and understand the rules. Teach and reinforce the rules
as if they were curriculum, repeating them often as needed.
BECAUSE: Many school employees believe that a read-through and quick review of classroom
or school bus rules are enough to ensure student understanding and buy-in. This is a
dangerous misconception. Researchers have discovered that many young students really
don’t understand the meaning of words in the rules, such as "courteous." Also, don’t assume
that students have been taught proper behavior at home. Learning how to respect one’s self
and others is something that must be taught and reinforced.
BE SURE TO: Develop expectations for behavior that are backed up by a set of fair, workable,
enforceable and hierarchical consequences. Do not promise a consequence you cannot
deliver.
BECAUSE: Consequences are an important link to the effectiveness of your discipline code. If
the consequences fall apart, or are not there to begin with, the whole thing collapses. If they
are not enforced, the teacher’s credibility is damaged. Negative consequences should increase
in severity (hierarchical). Rule breaking and the punishment should be documented so that
you can prove that those students whom you disciplined exhibited unacceptable behavior.
This is very important when dealing with parents. Proper documentation can also help to
ensure that administrators give you the support you need to enforce your discipline plan.
BE SURE TO: When possible, involve your students in developing the rules.
BECAUSE: By involving students in the drafting of the rules you help create an environment in
which the students have a role in enforcing the rules. Peer pressure can be very effective in
helping to keep an orderly class.
BE SURE THAT: Parents know and understand your rules, including the consequences. Make
several different attempts to contact them. Phone calls and mailing letters to the home are the
most effective means of contacting parents. Do not depend on students’ hand-delivering the
rules to parents.
BECAUSE: Parents who are not aware of or are not well-versed in discipline policies are prone
to side with their children and might feel that the school employee’s actions (especially
suspension or expulsion) are arbitrary or biased.
BE SURE TO: Move a child who acts up on a school bus to the front of the bus -- perhaps at
the next regular stop. If the action is severe enough to cause possible injury, bus drivers
suggest pulling over immediately to a safe location off the road.
BECAUSE: You should avoid, if possible, disciplining a child in front of his/her peers because
this can result in a child feeling that he/she needs to show off by becoming more aggressive.
Move the student away from other students and friends to a place where you can observe
his/her behavior. It is usually best to wait until you arrive at the school site to continue
following the standard disciplinary procedures.
BE SURE THAT: School administrators are aware of your rules and consequences and the
roles that they, as school leaders, may have to play in supporting your efforts.
BECAUSE: While you cannot always count on getting the support you need from the school
administration, you still should try to elicit their help. The worst thing that can happen to
dismantle a classroom discipline plan is to have "no supportive action" or "counterenforcement
action" from building administrators. This sends a message to students that
nothing is going to happen no matter what the infraction. By the same token, don’t set rules
you know won’t be supported by administrators.
BE SURE TO: Plan out the arrangement of furniture, desks and supplies in your classroom for
ease of traffic flow, access and visibility. Design seating charts that keep all students within eye
contact. Do not put all troublemakers together and do not place them in the back of the room!
Avoid, to the best of your ability, congested aisles and stumbling blocks to easy access of
supplies. (Appoint class monitors.)
BECAUSE: Classrooms are places where there is constant traffic. The ease of flow can prevent
"traffic jams." Often, when students are placed in close and uncomfortable contact, flare-ups
become common. Moreover, teachers should be able to see each student, and each student
should be able to see the teacher. This provides opportunities for what is called "early desists"
of potentially disruptive behaviors.
BE SURE TO: Learn all students’ names as soon as possible--within the first three days of
school.
BECAUSE: Knowing students’ names helps to develop a personal relationship between you
and your students. It also helps with early targeting and early intervention by accurately
identifying troublemakers. When you don’t know names and try other forms of identification
(boy-in-blue-shirt), students can play games of avoidance, denial and trickery.
BE SURE TO: Figure out ways of scheduling routine classroom procedures smoothly and with
the least possible disruption (e.g., taking attendance, tardiness, leaving the room, bulletin
boards, grades, make-up work). Teach your classroom procedures as if they were curriculum.
BECAUSE: Student disruption and dissatisfaction can result from student anxiety and
uncertainty about how to do things in the classroom. Procedures change from class to class,
based on teacher style. Students should know how to function in each class.
BE SURE TO: Look for and try to understand differences between ADD (Attention Deficit
Disorder) behaviors and general misbehavior. Your school should already be supplying
training and policy information about this, especially in view of current increases in
mainstreaming and inclusion. If not, contact your local union representatives and ask them to
work with the administration to make this kind of training available.
BECAUSE: It is difficult to identify those students who are affected by ADD and those who are
not. Issues of fairness or legal problems can arise with the teacher caught in the middle.
BE SURE TO: Educate yourself on the rules and policies concerning disruptive and violent
behavior by special education students.
BECAUSE: Rules governing what you can or cannot do to discipline special education
students who have committed the same infractions as regular education students can be
different. This can cause havoc in the classroom or on the school bus. If you are unsure of your
authority or the rights of your students, ask your school’s administration for clarification.
the playground or any other place where school employees supervise students.
BE SURE TO: Greet students as they enter your classroom.
BECAUSE: This not only models the kind of courteous behavior you want to instill in your
students, but it also gives you an opportunity for "early targeting" of potential troublemakers.
You may pick up early warning signs of potential trouble, e.g., anger, illness, arguments, fights,
trouble on the way to school, inappropriate attire or paraphernalia, homework not done, etc.
Without early targeting or intervention, small problems can escalate to major disruption or
violence.
BE SURE TO: Make "Before-Class-Starts" activities available in the classroom to engage
students in positive and productive interactions. Such activities could include board games, a
five-minute "free conversation" period or simple calisthenics.
BECAUSE: The "dead time" before the bell can be "deadly" if students don’t have a way to
channel their energies.
BE SURE TO: Have a designated place within your view for students to turn in homework
assignments as they enter.
BECAUSE: The failure of students to turn in homework on time can be a major disruption to
the class. When asked why they have not completed their assignments, students will often
engage in denials and excuses, resulting in a waste of learning time. With a homework box, or
other designated place for students to turn in work, the teacher or paraprofessional can watch
the students as they enter to see who has completed their assignments and who has not.
BE SURE TO: Have a few (three to five) basic overarching rules in place to help govern student
behavior in the classroom or on the school bus.
BECAUSE: Overarching rules provide parameters within which each student can function in
the group and identify his or her own appropriate and inappropriate behaviors. This promotes
individual ownership of the rules and encourages responsibility. (Examples of four good
overarching rules--be prompt, be polite, be prepared, be productive. Examples of bad rules--
do not chew gum, do not talk). Recite the rules often at the beginning of the school year and
make sure to explain why these rules are necessary.
BE SURE THAT: Your students know and understand the rules. Teach and reinforce the rules
as if they were curriculum, repeating them often as needed.
BECAUSE: Many school employees believe that a read-through and quick review of classroom
or school bus rules are enough to ensure student understanding and buy-in. This is a
dangerous misconception. Researchers have discovered that many young students really
don’t understand the meaning of words in the rules, such as "courteous." Also, don’t assume
that students have been taught proper behavior at home. Learning how to respect one’s self
and others is something that must be taught and reinforced.
BE SURE TO: Develop expectations for behavior that are backed up by a set of fair, workable,
enforceable and hierarchical consequences. Do not promise a consequence you cannot
deliver.
BECAUSE: Consequences are an important link to the effectiveness of your discipline code. If
the consequences fall apart, or are not there to begin with, the whole thing collapses. If they
are not enforced, the teacher’s credibility is damaged. Negative consequences should increase
in severity (hierarchical). Rule breaking and the punishment should be documented so that
you can prove that those students whom you disciplined exhibited unacceptable behavior.
This is very important when dealing with parents. Proper documentation can also help to
ensure that administrators give you the support you need to enforce your discipline plan.
BE SURE TO: When possible, involve your students in developing the rules.
BECAUSE: By involving students in the drafting of the rules you help create an environment in
which the students have a role in enforcing the rules. Peer pressure can be very effective in
helping to keep an orderly class.
BE SURE THAT: Parents know and understand your rules, including the consequences. Make
several different attempts to contact them. Phone calls and mailing letters to the home are the
most effective means of contacting parents. Do not depend on students’ hand-delivering the
rules to parents.
BECAUSE: Parents who are not aware of or are not well-versed in discipline policies are prone
to side with their children and might feel that the school employee’s actions (especially
suspension or expulsion) are arbitrary or biased.
BE SURE TO: Move a child who acts up on a school bus to the front of the bus -- perhaps at
the next regular stop. If the action is severe enough to cause possible injury, bus drivers
suggest pulling over immediately to a safe location off the road.
BECAUSE: You should avoid, if possible, disciplining a child in front of his/her peers because
this can result in a child feeling that he/she needs to show off by becoming more aggressive.
Move the student away from other students and friends to a place where you can observe
his/her behavior. It is usually best to wait until you arrive at the school site to continue
following the standard disciplinary procedures.
BE SURE THAT: School administrators are aware of your rules and consequences and the
roles that they, as school leaders, may have to play in supporting your efforts.
BECAUSE: While you cannot always count on getting the support you need from the school
administration, you still should try to elicit their help. The worst thing that can happen to
dismantle a classroom discipline plan is to have "no supportive action" or "counterenforcement
action" from building administrators. This sends a message to students that
nothing is going to happen no matter what the infraction. By the same token, don’t set rules
you know won’t be supported by administrators.
BE SURE TO: Plan out the arrangement of furniture, desks and supplies in your classroom for
ease of traffic flow, access and visibility. Design seating charts that keep all students within eye
contact. Do not put all troublemakers together and do not place them in the back of the room!
Avoid, to the best of your ability, congested aisles and stumbling blocks to easy access of
supplies. (Appoint class monitors.)
BECAUSE: Classrooms are places where there is constant traffic. The ease of flow can prevent
"traffic jams." Often, when students are placed in close and uncomfortable contact, flare-ups
become common. Moreover, teachers should be able to see each student, and each student
should be able to see the teacher. This provides opportunities for what is called "early desists"
of potentially disruptive behaviors.
BE SURE TO: Learn all students’ names as soon as possible--within the first three days of
school.
BECAUSE: Knowing students’ names helps to develop a personal relationship between you
and your students. It also helps with early targeting and early intervention by accurately
identifying troublemakers. When you don’t know names and try other forms of identification
(boy-in-blue-shirt), students can play games of avoidance, denial and trickery.
BE SURE TO: Figure out ways of scheduling routine classroom procedures smoothly and with
the least possible disruption (e.g., taking attendance, tardiness, leaving the room, bulletin
boards, grades, make-up work). Teach your classroom procedures as if they were curriculum.
BECAUSE: Student disruption and dissatisfaction can result from student anxiety and
uncertainty about how to do things in the classroom. Procedures change from class to class,
based on teacher style. Students should know how to function in each class.
BE SURE TO: Look for and try to understand differences between ADD (Attention Deficit
Disorder) behaviors and general misbehavior. Your school should already be supplying
training and policy information about this, especially in view of current increases in
mainstreaming and inclusion. If not, contact your local union representatives and ask them to
work with the administration to make this kind of training available.
BECAUSE: It is difficult to identify those students who are affected by ADD and those who are
not. Issues of fairness or legal problems can arise with the teacher caught in the middle.
BE SURE TO: Educate yourself on the rules and policies concerning disruptive and violent
behavior by special education students.
BECAUSE: Rules governing what you can or cannot do to discipline special education
students who have committed the same infractions as regular education students can be
different. This can cause havoc in the classroom or on the school bus. If you are unsure of your
authority or the rights of your students, ask your school’s administration for clarification.
More Tips
· Prominently display copies of the discipline codes and let students and parents know
where it is kept.
· Maintain dated personal documentation of individual cases and what actions you
took.
· Avoid public verbal confrontations with students. When a discussion is headed in that
direction, cut it off immediately. Arrange a private talk.
· Avoid physical confrontations with students. Have a contingency plan in place to get
help if a fight erupts.
· Be creative. If you are teaching young students who seem unable to sit still, try taking
breaks from time to time and have them do exercises at their desks.
· Prominently display copies of the discipline codes and let students and parents know
where it is kept.
· Maintain dated personal documentation of individual cases and what actions you
took.
· Avoid public verbal confrontations with students. When a discussion is headed in that
direction, cut it off immediately. Arrange a private talk.
· Avoid physical confrontations with students. Have a contingency plan in place to get
help if a fight erupts.
· Be creative. If you are teaching young students who seem unable to sit still, try taking
breaks from time to time and have them do exercises at their desks.
TIPS
Tips:
1. Recognize the warning signs of disruption. Obviously this comes with practice of classroom management. However, some signs are fairly obvious.
2. Sarcasm should be used sparingly if at all. If you do use it, make sure you know the student who you are using it with well. Many students do not have the capacity to know that sarcasm is not meant to be taken literally. Further, other students could find your sarcasm as inflammatory which would defeat your purpose of greater classroom management.
3. Consistency and fairness are essential for effective classroom management. If you ignore disruptions one day and come down hard on them the next, you will not be seen as consistent. You will lose respect and disruptions will probably increase. Further, if you are not fair in your punishments, making sure to treat all students fairly then students will quickly realize this and lose respect for you. You should also start each day fresh, not holding disruptions against students and instead expecting them to behave.
4. It's easier to get easier. Start the year very strict so that students see that you are willing to do what it takes to have your classroom under control. They will understand that you expect learning to occur in your room. You can always let up as the year goes on.
5. Rules must be easy to understand and manageable. Make sure that you don't have such a large number of rules that your students can't consistently follow them.
What You Need:
· Posted Classroom Rules
· Discipline Plan
1. Recognize the warning signs of disruption. Obviously this comes with practice of classroom management. However, some signs are fairly obvious.
2. Sarcasm should be used sparingly if at all. If you do use it, make sure you know the student who you are using it with well. Many students do not have the capacity to know that sarcasm is not meant to be taken literally. Further, other students could find your sarcasm as inflammatory which would defeat your purpose of greater classroom management.
3. Consistency and fairness are essential for effective classroom management. If you ignore disruptions one day and come down hard on them the next, you will not be seen as consistent. You will lose respect and disruptions will probably increase. Further, if you are not fair in your punishments, making sure to treat all students fairly then students will quickly realize this and lose respect for you. You should also start each day fresh, not holding disruptions against students and instead expecting them to behave.
4. It's easier to get easier. Start the year very strict so that students see that you are willing to do what it takes to have your classroom under control. They will understand that you expect learning to occur in your room. You can always let up as the year goes on.
5. Rules must be easy to understand and manageable. Make sure that you don't have such a large number of rules that your students can't consistently follow them.
What You Need:
· Posted Classroom Rules
· Discipline Plan
Discipline Problems
Discipline problems are listed as the major concern for most new teachers. What can teachers expect and how can they effectively handle discipline problems? Classroom management combined with an effective discipline plan is the key. This how to will help you see some important steps in dealing with discipline problems that may arise in your classroom.
1. Begin each class period with a positive attitude and high expectations. If you expect your students to misbehave or you approach them negatively, you will get misbehaviour. This is an often overlooked aspect of classroom management.
2. Come to class prepared with lessons for the day. In fact, over plan with your lessons. Make sure to have all your materials and methods ready to go. Reducing downtime will help maintain discipline in your classroom.
3. Work on making transitions between parts of lessons smooth. In other words, as you move from whole group discussion to independent work, try to minimize the disruption to the class. Have your papers ready to go or your assignment already written on the board. Many disruptions occur during transitional times during lessons.
4. Watch your students as they come into class. Look for signs of possible problems before class even begins. For example, if you notice a heated discussion or problem before class starts, try to deal with the problem then. Allow the students a few moments to talk with you or with each other before you start your lesson to try and work things out. Separate them if necessary and try to gain agreement that during your class period at least they will drop whatever issue they have.
5. Have a posted discipline plan that you follow consistently for effective classroom management. Depending on the severity of the offense, this should allow students a warning or two before punishment begins. Your plan should be easy to follow and also should cause a minimum of disruption in your class. For example, your discipline plan might be - First Offense: Verbal Warning, Second Offense: Detention with teacher, Third Offense: Referral.
6. Meet disruptions that arise in your class with in kind measures. In other words, don't elevate disruptions above their current level. Your discipline plan should provide for this, however, sometimes your own personal issues can get in the way. For example, if two students are talking in the back of the room and your first step in the plan is to give your students a verbal warning, don't stop your instruction to begin yelling at the students. Instead, have a set policy that simply saying a student's name is enough of a clue for them to get back on task. Another technique is to ask one of them a question.
7. Try to use humor to diffuse situations before things get out of hand. Note: Know your students. The following example would be used with students you know would not elevate the situation to another level. For example, if you tell your students to open their books to page 51 and three students are busy talking, do not immediately yell at them. Instead, smile, say their names, and ask them kindly if they could please wait until later to finish their conversation because you would really like to hear how it ends and you have to get this class finished. This will probably get a few laughs but also get your point across.
8. If a student becomes verbally confrontational with you, remain calm and remove them from the situation as quickly as possible. Do not get into yelling matches with your students. There will always be a winner and a loser which sets up a power struggle that could continue throughout the year. Further, do not bring the rest of the class into the situation by involving them in the discipline or the writing of the referral.
9. If a student becomes physical, remember the safety of the other students is paramount. Remain as calm as possible; your demeanour can sometimes diffuse the situation. You should have a plan for dealing with violence that you discussed with students early in the year. You should use the call button for assistance. You could also have a student designated to get help from another teacher. Send the other students from the room if it appears they could get hurt. If the fight is between two students, follow your school's rules concerning teacher involvement as many want teachers to stay out of fights until help arrives.
10. Keep an anecdotal record of major issues that arise in your class. This might be necessary if you are asked for a history of classroom disruptions or other documentation.Let it go at the end of the day. Classroom management and disruption issues should be left in class so that you can have some down time to recharge before coming back to another day of teaching.
1. Begin each class period with a positive attitude and high expectations. If you expect your students to misbehave or you approach them negatively, you will get misbehaviour. This is an often overlooked aspect of classroom management.
2. Come to class prepared with lessons for the day. In fact, over plan with your lessons. Make sure to have all your materials and methods ready to go. Reducing downtime will help maintain discipline in your classroom.
3. Work on making transitions between parts of lessons smooth. In other words, as you move from whole group discussion to independent work, try to minimize the disruption to the class. Have your papers ready to go or your assignment already written on the board. Many disruptions occur during transitional times during lessons.
4. Watch your students as they come into class. Look for signs of possible problems before class even begins. For example, if you notice a heated discussion or problem before class starts, try to deal with the problem then. Allow the students a few moments to talk with you or with each other before you start your lesson to try and work things out. Separate them if necessary and try to gain agreement that during your class period at least they will drop whatever issue they have.
5. Have a posted discipline plan that you follow consistently for effective classroom management. Depending on the severity of the offense, this should allow students a warning or two before punishment begins. Your plan should be easy to follow and also should cause a minimum of disruption in your class. For example, your discipline plan might be - First Offense: Verbal Warning, Second Offense: Detention with teacher, Third Offense: Referral.
6. Meet disruptions that arise in your class with in kind measures. In other words, don't elevate disruptions above their current level. Your discipline plan should provide for this, however, sometimes your own personal issues can get in the way. For example, if two students are talking in the back of the room and your first step in the plan is to give your students a verbal warning, don't stop your instruction to begin yelling at the students. Instead, have a set policy that simply saying a student's name is enough of a clue for them to get back on task. Another technique is to ask one of them a question.
7. Try to use humor to diffuse situations before things get out of hand. Note: Know your students. The following example would be used with students you know would not elevate the situation to another level. For example, if you tell your students to open their books to page 51 and three students are busy talking, do not immediately yell at them. Instead, smile, say their names, and ask them kindly if they could please wait until later to finish their conversation because you would really like to hear how it ends and you have to get this class finished. This will probably get a few laughs but also get your point across.
8. If a student becomes verbally confrontational with you, remain calm and remove them from the situation as quickly as possible. Do not get into yelling matches with your students. There will always be a winner and a loser which sets up a power struggle that could continue throughout the year. Further, do not bring the rest of the class into the situation by involving them in the discipline or the writing of the referral.
9. If a student becomes physical, remember the safety of the other students is paramount. Remain as calm as possible; your demeanour can sometimes diffuse the situation. You should have a plan for dealing with violence that you discussed with students early in the year. You should use the call button for assistance. You could also have a student designated to get help from another teacher. Send the other students from the room if it appears they could get hurt. If the fight is between two students, follow your school's rules concerning teacher involvement as many want teachers to stay out of fights until help arrives.
10. Keep an anecdotal record of major issues that arise in your class. This might be necessary if you are asked for a history of classroom disruptions or other documentation.Let it go at the end of the day. Classroom management and disruption issues should be left in class so that you can have some down time to recharge before coming back to another day of teaching.
To develop self leadership in life through self love.
If you are playing the role of mother, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister and wife, you will understand that these multiple roles can be very complex and challenging.
These are five Life skills that can help you to overcome these challenging roles in the 21st century.
1) Learn to communicate and express your feelings
2) Learn to set boundaries
3) Learn to say "No".
4) Learn to love yourself
5) Learn to let go
Communication and Self-expression
To do a good job of communicating your feelings, it is imperative to first listen. Accept other people's point of view. Check whether you have the time or ability to do the job, or project or errands or to help someone. Explain why you cannot do it and how you feel about doing or not doing it. You will gain respect from your self-expression.
Learn to set boundaries
People do not know what you are thinking, nor your lifestyle or whether you have the time or able to do something. It is your responsibility to set boundaries of how much time you wish to spend with a friend who call you up for coffee. Another example, could be a relative who wants you to accompany him or her to go somewhere that you have no business to be there.
Learn to say "No"
You teach people to treat you. If you think saying "Yes" when you mean to say "No" is easier, deep inside you, you will be eating yourself inside out! After a while, you are really teaching people to treat you and they assume you don't mind. Is it their fault that you feel miserable? They are not mind-reader. It's your responsibility to express yourself truthfully.
Learn to love yourself
By loving yourself I mean being aware of your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well being. It's not being self-centred. It's self care. If you can't take care of yourself, how balance can you be? How can you look after others? How can you be a role model?
Learn to let go
Many people I know are very hard on themselves. Being perfect is so important to them that they cannot take failure as a form of feedback. If you think being a perfect mother, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister and wife are very important roles, you will find yourself being torn apart and overwhelmed. Chances are you will feel very angry, guilty, and frustrated.
Letting go of playing perfect roles is the first step to accepting yourself as who you are, whole and complete. It is liberating.
To shift the mindset of people to develop self-leadership in life through self-love. To connect parents and teens to inspire each other to live life purposefully.
These are five Life skills that can help you to overcome these challenging roles in the 21st century.
1) Learn to communicate and express your feelings
2) Learn to set boundaries
3) Learn to say "No".
4) Learn to love yourself
5) Learn to let go
Communication and Self-expression
To do a good job of communicating your feelings, it is imperative to first listen. Accept other people's point of view. Check whether you have the time or ability to do the job, or project or errands or to help someone. Explain why you cannot do it and how you feel about doing or not doing it. You will gain respect from your self-expression.
Learn to set boundaries
People do not know what you are thinking, nor your lifestyle or whether you have the time or able to do something. It is your responsibility to set boundaries of how much time you wish to spend with a friend who call you up for coffee. Another example, could be a relative who wants you to accompany him or her to go somewhere that you have no business to be there.
Learn to say "No"
You teach people to treat you. If you think saying "Yes" when you mean to say "No" is easier, deep inside you, you will be eating yourself inside out! After a while, you are really teaching people to treat you and they assume you don't mind. Is it their fault that you feel miserable? They are not mind-reader. It's your responsibility to express yourself truthfully.
Learn to love yourself
By loving yourself I mean being aware of your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well being. It's not being self-centred. It's self care. If you can't take care of yourself, how balance can you be? How can you look after others? How can you be a role model?
Learn to let go
Many people I know are very hard on themselves. Being perfect is so important to them that they cannot take failure as a form of feedback. If you think being a perfect mother, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister and wife are very important roles, you will find yourself being torn apart and overwhelmed. Chances are you will feel very angry, guilty, and frustrated.
Letting go of playing perfect roles is the first step to accepting yourself as who you are, whole and complete. It is liberating.
To shift the mindset of people to develop self-leadership in life through self-love. To connect parents and teens to inspire each other to live life purposefully.
Leaders should know how to treat others, well, I guess.
Five Lessons about How to Treat People
1. First Important Lesson - "Know the Cleaning Lady"During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade."Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2. Second Important Lesson - "Pickup In the Rain" One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console colour TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.
3. Third Important Lesson - "Remember Those Who Serve"In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "50¢," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it."Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "35¢!" she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4. Fourth Important Lesson - "The Obstacles in Our Path"In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand - "Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition."
5. Fifth Important Lesson - "Giving When It Counts"Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her."As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the colour returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?”Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
1. First Important Lesson - "Know the Cleaning Lady"During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade."Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2. Second Important Lesson - "Pickup In the Rain" One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console colour TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.
3. Third Important Lesson - "Remember Those Who Serve"In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "50¢," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it."Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "35¢!" she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4. Fourth Important Lesson - "The Obstacles in Our Path"In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand - "Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition."
5. Fifth Important Lesson - "Giving When It Counts"Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her."As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the colour returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?”Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
Some fun I think
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator put in the giraffe and closes the door.This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator put in the elephant and closes the refrigerator.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.This tests your memory.OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions, correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting!
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator put in the giraffe and closes the door.This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator put in the elephant and closes the refrigerator.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.This tests your memory.OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions, correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting!
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
Why was there a teacher in the first place? To create new leaders. Is that their job?
God created the FIRST TEACHER.This TEACHER, though taken from among men and women, had several significant modifications. In general, God made the TEACHER more durable than other men and women. The TEACHER was made to arise at a very early hour and to go to bed no earlier than 11:30 PM with no rest in between. The TEACHER had to be able to withstand being locked up in an air-tight classroom for six hours with thirty-seven "monsters" on a rainy Monday. And the TEACHER had to be fit to correct 400 papers over Raya vacation. Yes, God made the TEACHER tough... but gentle, too. The TEACHER was equipped with soft hands to wipe away the tears of the neglected and lonely student... those of the sixteen-year old girl who was not asked to the Raya parties. And into the TEACHER God poured a generous amount of patience. Patience when a student asks to repeat the directions the TEACHER has just repeated for someone else. Patience when the students forget their lunch money for the fourth day in a row. Patience when one-third of the class fails the test. Patience when the text books arrived yet, given to students and later forgotten to bring them along to school and the semester starts tomorrow. And God gave the TEACHER a heart slightly bigger than the average human heart. For the Teacher's heart had to be big enough to love the students who screams, "I hate this class - it's boring!" and to love the student who runs out of the classroom at the end of the period without so much as a "goodbye," let alone a "thank you."And lastly, God gave the TEACHER an abundant supply of HOPE. For God knew that the TEACHER would always be hoping. Hoping that the kids would someday learn how to spell... hoping not to have canteen duty... hoping that Friday would come... hoping for a free day... hoping for deliverance. When God finished creating the TEACHER, he stepped back and admired the work of His hands. And God saw that the TEACHER was good. Very Good! And God smiled, for when he looked at the TEACHER, he saw into the future. He knew that the future is in the hands of the TEACHERS. And because God loves TEACHERS so much that two months before the end of the year, the teachers had holidays.
Some leaders exist because they are meant to be there..What goes round comes around.
The man's name was Fleming and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog.There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself.Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death. The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved. "I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life." "No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied, waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hoval. "Is that your son?" the nobleman asked. "Yes," the farmer replied proudly. "I'll make you a deal. Let me take your son and give him a good education. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll grow up to be a man you can be proud of." And that he did. In time, Farmer Fleming's son graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming; the discoverer of Penicillin. Years afterward, the nobleman's son was stricken with pneumonia.What saved him? Penicillin. The nobleman's name? Randolph Churchill.His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill. Moral? "What goes around comes around."
Let's stray away a bit from leadership because sometimes leaders need some moments to themselves. Am I right.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the "GOOD" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment realizing that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, would never have said, "Later, now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's" ... more "I'm sorry's" ... but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute ... look at it and really see it ... live it .. and never give it back.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the "GOOD" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment realizing that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, would never have said, "Later, now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's" ... more "I'm sorry's" ... but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute ... look at it and really see it ... live it .. and never give it back.
Being a leader is just like being in love I think ...
YOU KNOW YOU ARE TRULY IN LOVE WITH HIM YOUR LEADER WHEN.....
- your heart beats so fast whenever you see him, whenever his number comes up on your caller id- you think he is perfect just the way he is, and you think he is beautiful no matter how he looks
- he is always on your mind.. he is the first thing you think about when you wake up, and the last thing you think about before you fall asleep
- you have a good time and enjoy yourself when you are with him, no matter when it is or where it is
- you constantly smile when you are around him, and he makes you feel so happy
- when his name always ends up being in almost every conversation you have
- when you can’t and won’t look at any other guys, because you think he is the ONE for you, and he is all that you want..
- you always want to see him, and you always miss him when you have to say goodbye
- you will do anything to make him happy, cheer him up or make him feel good about himself
- you smile whenever you hear his name or hear other people talk about him
- you can stare into his eyes for a long time
- everything feels perfect when he is around
- you could stay on the phone for more than 3 hours
- you can't look at him without wanting to kiss him
-you can't picture your life without him in it
- your heart beats so fast whenever you see him, whenever his number comes up on your caller id- you think he is perfect just the way he is, and you think he is beautiful no matter how he looks
- he is always on your mind.. he is the first thing you think about when you wake up, and the last thing you think about before you fall asleep
- you have a good time and enjoy yourself when you are with him, no matter when it is or where it is
- you constantly smile when you are around him, and he makes you feel so happy
- when his name always ends up being in almost every conversation you have
- when you can’t and won’t look at any other guys, because you think he is the ONE for you, and he is all that you want..
- you always want to see him, and you always miss him when you have to say goodbye
- you will do anything to make him happy, cheer him up or make him feel good about himself
- you smile whenever you hear his name or hear other people talk about him
- you can stare into his eyes for a long time
- everything feels perfect when he is around
- you could stay on the phone for more than 3 hours
- you can't look at him without wanting to kiss him
-you can't picture your life without him in it
Leaders are like parents. So watch what you say..
Why These Comments Are Harmful
these comments are harmful for the following reasons:
See, I told you so.– When children hear this, what was initially an act of independence becomes shrouded in failure and incompetence.
When I was your age – This statement implies that parents were far more advanced at the same age; subsequently, children perceive this comment as a devaluation of their uniqueness.
Because I said so – By saying this parents assume the role of dictator, and children react to tyranny with resistance. Moreover, even if children eventually concede, they will more than likely find a way to retaliate.
Why can’t you be like your sister or brother? – With this comment, parents are conveying that they don’t like the person a child is and want him or her to be like someone else. As a result, the child feels degraded, useless, hopeless, and unloved.
If you don’t do what I say, I’m leaving you here – This statement should never be uttered because being abandoned by his or her parents is one of a child’s most terrifying nightmares. (Of course, if children have heard it repeatedly, they will simply laugh it off as a hollow threat and continue misbehaving.)
How could you be so stupid? – This statement burdens children with a negative self-image; and their response is either to fight back by repeating their “stupidity” or by attempting to show the parent just how wrong he or she is.
Shut up! – Parents might as well slap a child in the face; this comment is that wounding and emotionally damaging. It can also cause children to become defiant, as well as justifiably angry.
You’ll never get anywhere in life – This comment is devastating to children since it destroys their self-image and results in either their accepting this dictate and feeling hopeless to change, or their going on the attack and returning the verbal abuse.
I want you kids to stop fighting, now! – All brothers and sisters fight. It’s part of growing up. It’s also part of the learning process, for in order to become close to one another, children must test each other in every way, including physically. Besides, one of their goals is to get a parent involved, and when children succeed, the dangers of sibling rivalry are significantly increased.
When parents say harmful things to their children, children fail to develop a positive sense of self-worth and also come to doubt their parents’ love. Moreover, they never learn to be responsible for their own behaviour because their parents fail to establish any positive guidelines or instil in them the desire to act in an appropriate and desirable manner.
these comments are harmful for the following reasons:
See, I told you so.– When children hear this, what was initially an act of independence becomes shrouded in failure and incompetence.
When I was your age – This statement implies that parents were far more advanced at the same age; subsequently, children perceive this comment as a devaluation of their uniqueness.
Because I said so – By saying this parents assume the role of dictator, and children react to tyranny with resistance. Moreover, even if children eventually concede, they will more than likely find a way to retaliate.
Why can’t you be like your sister or brother? – With this comment, parents are conveying that they don’t like the person a child is and want him or her to be like someone else. As a result, the child feels degraded, useless, hopeless, and unloved.
If you don’t do what I say, I’m leaving you here – This statement should never be uttered because being abandoned by his or her parents is one of a child’s most terrifying nightmares. (Of course, if children have heard it repeatedly, they will simply laugh it off as a hollow threat and continue misbehaving.)
How could you be so stupid? – This statement burdens children with a negative self-image; and their response is either to fight back by repeating their “stupidity” or by attempting to show the parent just how wrong he or she is.
Shut up! – Parents might as well slap a child in the face; this comment is that wounding and emotionally damaging. It can also cause children to become defiant, as well as justifiably angry.
You’ll never get anywhere in life – This comment is devastating to children since it destroys their self-image and results in either their accepting this dictate and feeling hopeless to change, or their going on the attack and returning the verbal abuse.
I want you kids to stop fighting, now! – All brothers and sisters fight. It’s part of growing up. It’s also part of the learning process, for in order to become close to one another, children must test each other in every way, including physically. Besides, one of their goals is to get a parent involved, and when children succeed, the dangers of sibling rivalry are significantly increased.
When parents say harmful things to their children, children fail to develop a positive sense of self-worth and also come to doubt their parents’ love. Moreover, they never learn to be responsible for their own behaviour because their parents fail to establish any positive guidelines or instil in them the desire to act in an appropriate and desirable manner.
Being a leader is also being a friend. Don't you think so.
1. Become friends’ first, good friends if possible. Being sexually attracted to this person you are interested in is unavoidable, but make sure you do not put yourself in a position where you become more physical with a person than emotionally connected. Keep the two balanced to know you both are on the same track.
2. Slow. Things. Down
3. Watch/listen. Take in all the person is, and do not build a fairy tale around someone who is seemingly perfect. Recognize flaws and determine if this person's positive attributes out weigh the negative components. Moreover, decide if their traits suit you and your desires or if they compromise you
4. Express yourself openly. See how you feel after a few times of opening up to them. They might not truly understand you; this is a very bad sign. If they do understand you, then this is a fantastic sign. Proper communication is central to an amicable relationship.
5. This ties into number four. Now, talk about everything. Do not shy away from intimate or unconventional topics. This includes, but is not excluded to: sexual expectations, family history, traumatic events, strange/embarrassing fears, bodily functions, your relationships expectations, etc.
6. This is only the "falling in love" stage, and I only aim to make it a joyful experience. Real, lasting love is a different story. Even following these steps, a relationship will fall apart (although most likely in an amicable manner). Watch for the next article for perpetuating a relationship.
Warnings:
- Do not try too hard to make it work in the beginning if it simply will not work in the beginning. You will save yourself more heartache then you can even imagine.
- "Falling in love" feelings have a typical lifespan of about six months to a year. If the two people have not mutually thrown emotional anchors in each other, then the relationship will dwindle.
- Never lie. Ever. Never lie and never cheat
2. Slow. Things. Down
3. Watch/listen. Take in all the person is, and do not build a fairy tale around someone who is seemingly perfect. Recognize flaws and determine if this person's positive attributes out weigh the negative components. Moreover, decide if their traits suit you and your desires or if they compromise you
4. Express yourself openly. See how you feel after a few times of opening up to them. They might not truly understand you; this is a very bad sign. If they do understand you, then this is a fantastic sign. Proper communication is central to an amicable relationship.
5. This ties into number four. Now, talk about everything. Do not shy away from intimate or unconventional topics. This includes, but is not excluded to: sexual expectations, family history, traumatic events, strange/embarrassing fears, bodily functions, your relationships expectations, etc.
6. This is only the "falling in love" stage, and I only aim to make it a joyful experience. Real, lasting love is a different story. Even following these steps, a relationship will fall apart (although most likely in an amicable manner). Watch for the next article for perpetuating a relationship.
Warnings:
- Do not try too hard to make it work in the beginning if it simply will not work in the beginning. You will save yourself more heartache then you can even imagine.
- "Falling in love" feelings have a typical lifespan of about six months to a year. If the two people have not mutually thrown emotional anchors in each other, then the relationship will dwindle.
- Never lie. Ever. Never lie and never cheat
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